Sometimes I feel like humanity lives a miserable existence of intellectual imprisonment and emotional manipulation that ultimately leads to..nothing. Today was the big election. I’m not going to even try breaking it down like I’m some kind of self-proclaimed political strategist, I’m just frustrated and fatigued by it all. I’m unhappy with the Republicans regaining so much more control, but I’ve been unhappy with the Democrats for a little while now. I know, I know, “douche bag and a turd sandwich”, I remember the South Park episode. I’m just bitter.

My heart has been having a hard time lately. Last Friday a friend of mine tried to commit suicide. I was in my car when I got a call from his roommate freaking out telling me that he had swallowed a bunch of pills and the ambulance was on its way. Chris had been going through a tough time. His wife left him for another man and he lost both of his parents within a year. I just got to know him recently because I’m closer friends with his roommate. After I received the call I headed straight for the hospital. Luckily he survived. I’m so thankful he is still here. I feel like it’s the start to a strong bond between us.

An old friend from high school just passed away. That’s what is really keeping me up. He battled cancer for a few years and finally came his time. He was a man of strong faith. Faith that influenced this community in a way that I’ve never seen before. Although I did not agree with him most of the time, I always loved and respected him because he had a heart that was loving and purely genuine. He used his battle as a testament of the power of faith. I know that he believed that eternity was near. I think Heaven for him would be an awesome place. I wish I could believe in it sometimes. I would love to think that he is up there kicking it with all of my friends that I have lost. Its as hard to believe that souls like that aren’t rewarded in the afterlife as it is to believe in the afterlife itself.

I’m not handling all of this death going on around me well. I’m no longer invincible. The world isn’t a pretty place, but I won’t forget Christian’s strength. Maybe his memory will help me be stronger. I want to reach the place in life where I can say “Death, I’m not afraid”

Callooh! Callay!… An Emotional and Inebriated Rant

I finally got to do it. I was able to play on the Mellow Mushroom stage. I know its nothing too prestigious, but I have wanted to play there since I was a kid. Despite the usual headaches, it went very well.

I feel like I use tumblr for all of my gripe and moan. That’s okay with me. I’m pretty sure that only a couple of people read this and I do all of this for myself anyway. But I have something that’s really heavy on me. It’s starting to look like my days with Callooh! Callay! are numbered.

I knew that I was coming to my conclusion with Callooh! Callay! when I elected to join the Air Force. We all came to terms with that and made our peace and began working super hard with the time we had all together. Adam told me how he felt like the band would probably end when I left. That sounded terrible to me. That boy and the other two have way too much talent to not be playing. I made it clear that I strongly disapproved of this idea. Anyways, we decided to just go balls to the wall from then until I had to leave to see what happens. Well, a lot has happened:

• We have written a full length album this time.
• Played some pretty kick ass shows and made some great friends.
• Signed to a label that we love and believe in.

All of this is wonderful and I have enjoyed it greatly. But even in the midst of mild success, there has be an unsettling feeling in the band.

So needless to say, I love and believe in the music we make, most of it and most of the time. Bands are really just a relationship. They always need communication and chemistry. Something that I have always been aware of is that we aren’t strong in either areas. God knows I love my band mates like family, which is why they drive me so crazy sometimes. Adam and I have been kinda like assumed leaders in the band. Of course everyone has equal say so, but Adam and I have been the primary song writers and composers so it always seems like every issue comes back to us. This wouldn’t be a big deal at all if Adam and I were on the same page more.

Let me just make it clear. I love Adam and he is one of the most talented and smartest people I know and have ever met. He and I just don’t see eye to eye on things that we really should. The unfortunate thing that I found out is that I’m the odd man out. Not that everyone is against me, but the other two are favoring Adam more. They had to play a show on Saturday without be because the show was last minute scheduled and I was obligated with out of town affairs. I was really happy that they played that show. I felt like they needed to practice stuff to see how they were going to do things after I left. Apparently the show went fantastic, and I was so stoked about it. But that was a very big night for them in deciding where to go in the future. They all decided that they felt a stronger chemistry together when it was just the trio. I mean, it makes sense. They are all like minded musically. I really am kinda the odd man out. That happens though and it doesn’t make me mad they feel that way. I kinda do too honestly.

We haven’t really talked about all of this, but retirement is near for Danjo. I’m going to help record the album and play a few shows, but that will probably the last for me. I’m not mad about any of this. It’s just life. Relationships don’t always work out. Neither do bands. Or band members. It’s just my turn to be the odd man out. Good luck Callooh! Callay!.

I always seem to be sick around Halloween. Never fails.

Saturday (Halloween) I was planning on heading to Auburn after I got off to hang with the crew at house 17… until sickness fail upon me. I woke up with absolutely no voice, a fever, weakness, nausea, etc. It seemed like classic flu symptoms with some allergy shit thrown in there too. Needless to say, I didn’t take the 2 and a half hour trip. I was pretty bummed and decided to stay attached to the air mattress in Brad’s old room and play video games all day. It was much to my surprise I received the best phone call I could imagine.

I heard my phone ring and I checked to see it was Steph. I answered and starting talking to her for a minute and she told me she had a surprise for me. I knew she had been working on a Halloween costume so I assumed she had finished it and wanted to show it off via Skype. That was not the case infact. “I’m crossing the bridge into Northport right now!”, she said. I faintly uttered “Uh..what?”. That crazy girl decided she was going to come up and surprise me. She stayed until Sunday. She said “I had to be a good girlfriend and fulfill my duties…”. It was a very pleasant surprise indeed.

Mr. Tim Reynolds is going to be at the Bama Theatre tonight. My Hero. Too excited to sleep.

Coffee & Pizza

When you walk into Strip Teas & Coffee (formerly known as Badass Coffee) you usually walk into a hustle and bustle environment. The slamming of the cash registers, excessively loud conversation, and rock and roll music that seems more appropriate for a bar and grill usually manifests itself in this unique cafe. Tonight is different though. The cash registers are still loud. Conversation is still a few decibels above comfort. But the music that’s playing is creating a sense of relief. Jazz. I wish I could understand why jazz soothes me so much. Maybe it’s best that I don’t. It’s just magical and I guess that’s all I need to know.

I got off work a couple of hours ago. I’m officially a pizza dude for Domino’s. Today was my second day on the job. I like it fine, but I’m still open to other things. I like watching the baristas behind the counter do their thing. Just making delicious coffee and serving it with a friendly smile. I could do that. I never thought I would enjoy that over cruising around in my car dropping pizzas off, but I know I would like it more. I like being able to meet new people on a daily basis and making their days. I can’t think of anything else that gives me more satisfaction. And I continue to learn new things about myself.

Since I’m here I guess I could actually be productive. I’m suppose to write a review about Sufjan Steven’s album Come on Feel the Illinoise. Adam had the Idea that we all write a review about a few albums that we have loved that were made in this past decade and then post the reviews on our blog. It sounded like a fun idea, and it also brings more legitimacy to our blog. I would be remiss to not mention Steven’s genius as my first review. Not saying that he was the most talented thing to be birthed from this decade, but no other album has kept my attention to such detail as Illinoise. I may also write a review on Radiohead’s In Rainbows. I don’t know though. I feel like I should be more opinionated to write reviews about either one of those albums because most of their critics are pompous fuckers. I’ll give it a go though.

Larry King is interviewing Hulk Hogan?… I can postpone this review..

Blogging behind Enemy Lines

It is a gorgeous Sunday afternoon in Auburn, Alabama. It can’t be any higher than 60 degrees outside and a nice cool breeze. I dropped Steph off at her sorority function and I decided to go exploring. Auburn really is a beautiful town. Everyone always told me how lame it was compared to Tuscaloosa and of course I chose to believe them. Though I love my home, there is something really great about this place too. I will always say Roll Tide though.

I refuse to be that guy who goes on and on about his love life, but I’ve had some great things happen lately and I feel like it’s worth sharing. Last weekend, I went up to Huntsville with Steph to hang out with her family. I love those people. They were so kind to me and fun to hang out with. I talked to her parents until 1 a.m. the first night I was there. It’s very relieving knowing that they think highly of me too. Steph will be coming to Tuscaloosa next week to hang out with my family. Her turn!

I’m happy with where I am. I hate being so unsure about everything though. I’m sure about two things: The Air Force. And I’m falling in love. And for that, I’m unsure.

There is nothing more regenerating than music. As I sit here and listen to Sara Watkins, it just reminds me how much I need music in my life to be functional.

I feel pretty good right now. I’m hoping to know when I’m leaving soon. I’m just ready to know when I’m out of here.

I still feel like there is alot missing. I really miss my friend Victorie. I haven’t heard from her in over a month. I’m not sure what’s going on there. I just know she’s not very happy with me. I need to talk to her. I know i did something so I should fix it. I’m really missing her alot.

Callooh! Callay! just got “signed” to my friends label. I’m excited because he is an amazing promoter and hopefully that means some shows. We plan on recording one last full album before I leave. I feel like that’s a nice thing to accomplish before I head out. We have great things in the works so I don’t want them to go wasted.

I know I’m doing the right thing. I really don’t want to leave her. I’m trying to not be scared about it. It’s not in my hands. I just don’t want to be without her. Maybe she feels the same way. Maybe it’s suppose to work out in our favor. I can’t be scared though. I’m happy right now. Seeing her face keeps me going and I don’t worry about the what ifs when I’m with her. I’ll see her face this weekend. Things will be okay.

It is in fact after 1AM and I’m still awake. It’s been one of those nights that my mind won’t shut off. Most of my thoughts being happy thoughts though. I was working on a song earlier that I was becoming extremely connected to. That’s always a great feeling. It’s like being able to cry without the tears. Punch without bloody knuckles. Love without kissing. Where all this is good, it further proves that life never can stop with just music. It leads me to my path before I go down it. That may not have made much sense but it feels right to me and its my blog so BAM.

I’m getting closer to having a ship off date. God I’m so ready. I’m sick of this feeling of just floating through life. I’m ready to be a stinking Airman of the USAF. That just makes me smile thinking about it. I’m ready to be proud of what I’m doing and I really feel ready for everything that may happen from when I get to Basic until I’m done with my active 4 years. I’m going to be away from home, probably in a different country most of the time. Even war. I’m ready for that too.

On a lighter note, I should be getting my laptop tomorrow! It won’t be anything too special, just a Dell, but I’m going to be running Ubuntu 9.04 operating system. It’s a form of Linux and basically just the shit really. Sorry Mac users, but I’m about to make you all look foolish!

I’m doing really well right now. I feel happy. I’m finally feeling complete in myself. I don’t think I’ve ever felt complete. I’ve really just needed to grow up to know what being complete meant. Not saying that I’m now content and I’m going to be complacent, I just look in the mirror now and I’m fine with it. It’s really not about me, God am I glad it’s not. I feel so much more patient now. I’m not so angry anymore. I want to see good in the world and I want to do my part.

Love finds a way.

So I feel like I have a lot to say. I don’t really know how to say it all right now. So I’m just going to ramble.

I had a pretty good weekend. Most of it involved hanging with Bowen and his new girlfriend Ashely. She is so incredibly sweet. I’m really happy for Bowen for finding such a solid girl. She’s so much fun to hang with, and I can really tell how much they care about one another. Its really nice to see that first hand like that.

So I’ve been talking to Ashley’s friend, Stephanie, alot recently. Last night we talked for aroud 3 and a half hours. I’m just learning alot about her right now, but I’m liking everything that I have learned. I really like her alot. I can’t believe this is actually happening to me right now. I’m still getting  over everthing that has just happened, I’m not going to even pretend like I’m healed from all of that pain. But, Stephanie came in to my life in possibly the most perfect timing ever. I want to be very careful though. I mean, really, what can I do in a relationship right now? I’m just really getting over my high school love now, finally, and I’m getting ready to head off to the Air Force. I was really trying not to get involved in any kind of relationship just to avoid any complications. But why am I so in to Stephanie right now? She is exactly what I’ve been looking for. Either this is perfect timing or possbly the worst timing in the world. I don’t want to over analyze it though, honestly. I feel happy right now. That has to mean something, right?

I really hope you are doing well Kayla… I do miss you. You don’t need me though.